May 2016 - Comments Off

Emily Gordis

for he has much been prayed for

I ate an entire centipede, swallowed it whole. It is my weakness of
character
that I always think the ocean is just over the mountains and the
sunset is
inside my throat when I thread my phone charger down until it
reaches
my small intestine and I get on my knees to squeeze the lemon and
pray no
seeds come out, and spit up a hex and cook it into your dinner and
you, Odysseus,
you were out on the highway in Salinas Valley feeding pea soup to
sirens and
migrant farmers while I lay in my creekbed reconstructing my
diaphragm.

the train station was hot like an indoor pool

The train station was hot like an indoor pool. I stepped over a
puddle of milk,
and went down into the guts which smelled like chlorine. Sometimes
I miss this
with a timbre that is socially unacceptable— the view of the port and
the palms
and the electric billboard. I would have napped with my head on
your belly
at one of the highway turnouts, but I was a tender fuel pump and
full of artifice.

If I could I’d take my devotional candle with me on the train, light a
match
under the bay burn my skin to a crisp and blow it out with my dying
dam breath.
I’d arrive on your doorstep with smoke coming out like a
tracheotomy seeking
someone who wants to lick the pavement in sf as badly as I do
someone
who wants to die like kelp in sand at ocean Beach w/ me.

I do not know what unit to measure mud with, but if I did I’d sit you
down
and tell you all about the mud. As it is this will have to suffice—
telling you about the geraniums and the dome lights telling you that
I am trying to confirm my existence, and this is how it feels:
very placid
in the dining hall at 1pm the Saturday after Thanksgiving I made
eggs making
eggs is my favorite way of worshipping god; telling you that
the basement kept flooding but I kept tacitly letting people in I kept
walking around the lake at night and thinking that
Oakland is fast and sincere like Sinai telling you that

I collectivized my mourning and turned it into a grocery store
that sold canned soup and green melons.

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